Parting is such sweet sorrow...

Or if you live in the real world, in real time, and want to be a realist...it sucks! That doesn't sound very poetic, I know. I probably should have added some flowery words or some brightly colored metaphors or sweet sugary phrases on top to make the reality of the situation a little less painful, the passing a little easier. Mary Poppins said it best, "A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down." Unfortunately, today I am out of spoons and out of sugar. Instead, I am choosing to wallow in my sadness--swim in it until my fingers get all pruney.

Why so glum?

There are several reasons, but at the forefront is saying goodbye to someone I really care about. I would normally refrain from putting this out there, but since I am fairly certain that the only people who read this are Steph and Brooke, I feel pretty safe. If there are other readers, then I am sure they are people who care about me, otherwise why would they be reading my blog?

So...the boy. He has been a good friend for a couple of years. I have been interested in him from the beginning. When we met, I felt something. I know everyone says that and it sounds trite and contrived as it falls from the tongue. It is something you're supposed to say; some sort of validation. It is true, nonetheless. I am not saying that initial feeling was something important. I'm not even sure I could describe what it was or what it meant, but it was something. Since then our relationship has consisted of a very severe case of butterflies, games, movies, concerts, plays, bonding over books, cooking in the kitchen, and long hours spent talking about fascinating subjects like travel and the rules of grammar. (Contrary to popular opinion, boys who know their grammar are beautifully hot. Generally, I find overintelligence overly sexy). I love his hands and his voice. He is a kind and gentle soul. He reads books. He thinks about the world. He watches movies like Out of Africa and Sense and Sensibility by choice. He plays the cello. He has a beautiful singing voice. He is sentimental and a man of traditions. He isn't afraid to cry.

He is leaving tomorrow to move to New York. I will miss him. His leaving has left a whirlwind of feelings I can't really explain. I am mostly left feeling like I missed an opportunity. I regret the things I didn't say. My cowardice has once again left me wondering, what if...

We will see each other again. We're close enough to want to stay close. He is also rooming with one of my closest friends (another parting that will be just as hard or worse). New York is a very accessible city. Still, this is an ending and endings are hard. I think we have new adventures to look forward to in the future, but the transition, the moving on, the adjusting to how we will be is painful.

I must find a spoon and the sugar...