Vomit and pink eye and lice, oh my...

I consider it a real low point in my teaching day when I have to deal with bodily fluids of one kind or another. Working with five year olds, one realizes that a few boogers and messes and germs are in the mix. Kids have a fondness for the inside of their noses. Some even have a fondness for the inside of other kids' noses, but that is a story best left for another day.

So, even though this isn't the first day of kindergarten cooties, it is, so far, the worst. It all started with a little girl puking all over her desk. This makes her third puking incident in the last week. All at school. All disgusting. Her dad seemed annoyed that he had to come get her again. She was crying because she didn't want to leave school, but I have a strict throw up policy. If you do it, you're out. It seems simple enough.

Fast forward to rotations where my assistant notices lice rampantly crawling around another little girl's hair. As a result, I spent my lunch hour checking the rest of the kids for the white horror. They used to have people to check for you, but now they consider it a health hazard. So, like so many other things, it falls to the teacher to do the checking. Fortunately, the rest of them were bug free.

After my short five minute drink a Dr. Pepper sit in the staff room break, I returned to my room and a little boy with swollen, red, and oozing eyes. His parents were unavailable and so he spent the afternoon quarantined at the thinking desk with a cold rag on his eyes.

The day ended on a low note where a kid, who only comes to my class for the last 45 minutes of the day, actually wiped his snotty nose on my arm as he was filing pass. Not my shirt mind you. My arm. I was so disgusted and furious that I had to quarantine myself at the thinking desk. There, I actually had the thought that pink eye would be better than someone else's snot on your arm.

I am with Alexander on this one. It was terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Here's to hoping tomorrow will be a better one and that no one will be sick!

P.S. On the bright side, I finished ESL endorsement class number two, I saw my ESL crush and forced myself to flirt just a little, and I made brownies just because it is Wednesday.

Congratulations are in order...

Today one of my kids drew a picture of me. This happens often enough that I have come to appreciate looking like an alien with an oversized head and enormous misshapen eyes. What made this drawing really memorable was the conversation that followed. I should have named this post quotes for kindergarten, but I thought it was little more noteworthy.

Natalie: Miss B, I drew this picture of you.

Me: Oh, let me see. I look lovely. Who is with me in the picture?

N: This is you. (Pointing to the drawing with long hair). This is your husband. (Pointing to the slightly taller figure).

Me: That's nice, but I don't have a husband, sweet girl.

N: CONGRATULATIONS!!! You got married today!

She announced the marriage to the whole class and told all the kids to be nice to me because it was my wedding day. Hilarious and adorable. This is life with five year olds.

Resolutions for keeping...

In my constant effort to learn from past mistakes and become the kind of woman I can be proud to be, I have made the following resolutions to work on this month. A little list, really. Perfectly reasonable.

1. I WILL NOT leave the house without mascara. If I can stand to put nothing else on my face, I will do this.

2. I will eat at least five fruits and vegetables a day. Consequently, buying such things makes your shopping cart a rainbow--a simple joy.

3. I will stop listening to mindless and malicious gossip. Any gossip really. It is created and shared by woman with narrow thinking and naked insecurities.

4. I will play and sing at least one song a day. Radio, guitar, piano. The instrument matters less than the voice.

5. I will forgive myself for not being perfect.

Now I really must put on mascara.

Quotes from Kindergaten...

Me: C_____, come and get papers for your table, please.
Kindergartener: Miss B, my name is not C_____ anymore. I change it.
Me: Really? What is your new name?
K: Night Wolf.
Me: Night Wolf?
K: Yep. Night Wolf.
Me: Ok, buddy. I mean, Night Wolf.

When he said he had changed his name, he meant it. He wrote Nit Wof (remember phonetics people) on the top of all his papers today. He also wrote it in permanent marker on his math workbook. I guess the name is here to stay.