Friday, January 21, 2011

Hi. How are you?

It has been a long time. Friends. I am sorry. I haven't had the time or will to write. Mostly time. Also will. It has, though, been too long. Hi. How are you?

Time is a vaccuum, dears. I think someone famous said that once or maybe it is just wishful thinking on my part. That someone, anyone, would impart such useful knowledge and that we, busy running about our lives, would actually listen. Stop to hear. Start to breathe. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly...

I have been in the vaccuum. My life consumed with running. Not actual running, mind you. (I never do such things). More with the feeling of running. Running from one place to another. Running from one kid to another. Running to school. Running to lunch. Running to make copies. Running to class. Running to the bathroom. Running to meetings. Running home to run out again. Running. Running. Running. I haven't been listening or breathing, mostly because I feel like I don't have time, but also because I feel like I can't slow down. I can't stop. I can't rest. I am so tired. More than that, I have been thinking about the fact I am so tired.

I came to this conclusion.

In all my running...there is little of me. All my obligations have been filled and refilled. My best has been done at every corner. But I haven't been reading enough. I haven't been writing enough. I haven't been painting or knitting or thinking enough. So, even though I am doing my best. I'm not my best.

So, this little post is an apology to myself more than anyone. Slow down, dear heart. Go home. Read. Write. Paint. Knit. Listen. Breathe in. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly...

2 comments:

  1. Oh Melissa! It gets better. It really does. You learn, if not to balance teaching and life, to at least take turns with what is keeping you out of balance. If that makes any sense?

    Life and joy will return and swallow so much of you. You'll ebb and flow. You'll figure it out. I promise.

    And then you'll have moments where you appreciate what you do and all the running so very much so.

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