Beauty skin deep and beyond...

I have been thinking a lot this week about the idea of beauty, specifically the physical sort of beauty with which the world is obsessed. Early this week someone divulged some things that had been said about me in what I considered a circle of friends. The comments were unnecessary, unkind, and mostly importantly, untrue. The details of exactly what was said are unimportant, and at this point, are quite muddy having passed through several mouths to land ugly on the table. All in all, they were not words you want said about you in any circumstance, but especially when they are unnecessary, unkind, but most importantly, untrue.

I'm not going to pretend like these hurtful words didn't...well...hurt. I felt a little sad. I even cried a little. Then I started thinking about their truthfulness. I realized that what I knew about myself was more than what others thought of me. That someone's narrow and superficial view of me was the result of the narrowness of their vision. I am deeper than the surface. I am more than the immediate view.

I have not always been so self actualized and there are times I have to remind myself of my worth. I do this in a variety of ways, but one of the simplest ways I have to re-center myself is to take a long look in the mirror. It isn't an act of pride. I'm not looking at my makeup or hair. I don't focus on my nose or lips. I look myself hard in the eyes. I look until I can see the real me emerge. Then I sigh and say, "Oh, hi sweetie." I started this ritual when I was 25, when a very significant relationship ended leaving be broken and broken hearted. I was almost completely undone, but I think that was the first time I really saw myself in spite of the circumstances. During that time, I had to look for myself in the mirror every morning and sometimes many times throughout the day. I looked until I could see my own strength, my own beauty, then I said hello. Now if I start feeling at all lost, I look for her, the woman underneath, and greet her like an old friend.

I guess this post is like a long look in the mirror for me. I was affected by the unkind comments of people I thought were my friends. I was hurt and angry. I became self conscious and overly critical. I let what they thought of me matter more than what I thought of myself. Now it's over. I can look at myself straight on and honestly say I like what see. I am smart and kind, honest and reliable, generous and compassionate. I am strong. I am beautiful.

Oh, hi sweetie.