I am a woman of quiet fears.
I mask them effectively with confidence
and a life filled with too much to do.
I do it so I can keep breathing.
So I am not consumed.
So I can move along silent and content.
So I can continue to remain wonderfully anonymous in this wide and full world.
Still,
I can feel it floating beneath my breathing,
beneath my busy and carefully planned life,
beneath this smile and quiet.
I can feel it seering inside my chest,
my cheeks,
the open palms of my hands,
the soles of my feet.
My fear is wanting:
a dream or a wish or a life I may never have.
A fear that keeps me from what I want.
I am afraid.
I will lose it or push it away.
I will be hurt,
or consumed,
or broken against the quiet of this contented smile.
I fill my bed with lists.
Plans carefully crafted in my slanted hand,
written and erased,
written again.
I look busy quietly breathing,
but underneath the quiet,
I feel consumed.
I wondered where last friday's list was... :)
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of reading some poetry for the first time in my life... Is Whitmas a good place to start? Any suggestions?
I absolutely LOVE Whitman, but he is not for everyone. He is also best read outloud. It is the only way to pick up his rhythms. I recommend Mary Oliver or Adrienne Rich. Both are modern woman and both write amazingly beautiful stuff. I have a several books by both of them and would gladly lend them to you. :)
ReplyDeleteI myself just started some whitman...it is so beautiful...and yes-best when read aloud.
ReplyDeleteok i'm excited to read some... maybe we can knit and read Whitman outloud :) I got an awesome sock book and some sock yarn and some awesome sock needles. Now I just need to learn socks.
ReplyDelete